NEW DAY NEW LESSON » Death, Emotions, Fears, Lesson of the Day, Life Happens, Poetry » The Unknown Is What Causes Unease
The Unknown Is What Causes Unease
I have been thinking a lot about death in the past few weeks. (Don’t worry, not mine.)
What I am coming to realize is that the thing that causes people the most unease and anxiety is the unknown. If you think about times you have been worried and nervous, there was probably a component of unknown in the equation. If you don’t know something for certain your mind takes you to many different scenarios and leaves you with a feeling of unrest.
I think that the unknown and the fear of what might be is what causes the most unease when you are talking about death. I am not even talking about whether or not you believe in life after death and if so the uncertainty about what goes on then. I am talking about the uncertainty dying patients and their families feel regarding the actual death itself.
People don’t want to be in pain or see their loved ones suffer. They want to die with dignity. Yet because no one can tell a dying patient or their loved ones for sure exactly how or when they will die, uncertainty looms.
It is human to try to control things and to try to plan things. That is the reason that the unknown causes us so much heartbreak. We want to know the details ahead of time. We want to be prepared and be able to visualize how things will be.
I think that if I was able with certainty to tell someone whose loved one was dying exactly how and when they would die, much of the unease during those last few weeks would dissipate. Not the heartbreak just the unease and the anxiety.
Unfortunately, that is not a reality.
So what can we do?
I think the first step is acknowledging that the unknown is what causes much of our unease. Trying to live in the moment and not plan more than necessary may be the next steps.
I also truly believe that every day and every minute helps you learn something new and gives your soul another perspective. Some lessons and days are harder than others. Life is about the journey, even when the journey is ending.
What do you think? Is it the unknown that causes the most unease?
I wrote this poem before I wrote this post. It was what prompted my post as a good friend’s mother is dying of cancer.
___
Life goes on
it doesn’t stop.
A nightmare
yet normalcy
all mixed in one.
___
The uncertainty is paralyzing
you wish you just knew
what exactly would happen
where, how and how soon.
___
You’ve come to terms
yet you’re still in denial
you’re ready
you’re not ready
is this really survival?
___
Minute by minute
a new heartbreak,
new pain.
It’s hard to keep going
even harder
to think of the end.
___
You’re still grasping tightly
slowly loosening your grip
letting go is hard
not just for you
but also for her and them.
___
Life is a circle
of birth and of death
of happiness and sadness
and all the stuff in between.
___
Life goes on
it doesn’t stop
even when one life is ending
you continue breathing
and life somehow goes on.
___
“Life Goes On” ©2010 Susie @NewDayNewLesson
Image:
LIFE GOES ON
© skyandsea876 | Flickr Creative Commons
Written by Susie
I am me and also lots of other things like a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a daughter in law, a sister in law, a friend, an oncology nurse, a blogger, a life coach in training, an avid book reader, a chauffeur, a chef, a shopper, a maid and on some days a bit overwhelmed. On this blog I share my journey of striving to see the best in everyone and everything. Strive, because I don't always manage to. Yup, I am human. I would love to have you join me in learning lessons in positivity from life.
Filed under: Death, Emotions, Fears, Lesson of the Day, Life Happens, Poetry · Tags: anxiety, coping, Death, life goes on, poetry, unease
7 Responses to "The Unknown Is What Causes Unease"
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I absolutely agree that it is the unknown that is the thing that causes me most fear. I try to be in control. I am confident that I can manage pain, but I cannot handle the fear of not knowing what happens next. I cannot believe that there isn’t an after life, however I cannot be sure I am confident I know what this life has been for and what comes next – for all my faith or belief, or hope.
Uncertainty can be so dibilitating whatever your age. It can stop a child going off to play with new friends or it can stop us going for that job. My mother had a phrase thatI’m always using within my head & out loud & that is ‘You’ll be OK when you get there’. She was correct! It’s just about taking that first step!
What a beautiful, heartfelt poem. It’s true, life’s about the journey. Our present reality is a learning ground. It’s a stepping stone to what comes next. Y’see, life continues. I’ve written an account of it in “Mommy’s Writings: Mommy, would you like a sandwich?” I have no doubt of what I share in this true story. If one can believe in something bigger than themselves than it opens up a new perspective in their life’s journey. It eases one mind to see life in a different light. So yes, I agree. It’s indeed about the journey, which should be enjoyed because it’s of God. Mommy’s Writings will be out in the Marketplace by year-end 2010 or early 2011. Its story prayerfully inspires the love of God and uplifts the human spirit.
Suzanne McMillen-Fallon, Published Author (year-end 2010 or early 2011)
http://www.strategicbookpublishing.com/Mommy’s Writings: Mommy, would you like a sandwich?
I totally agree that it is the unknown, I was always very fearful of death I have only ever known of people dying on their own and they have had something wrong that was painful so when I have seen them previously before their passing they have been in pain and angst and that has always scared the life out of me.
However I was with my Gran when she passed away recently and it has really changed my view on it, she wasn’t in pain and wasn’t distressed she was totally at peace. I wrote about it here,
http://andthenallithoughtaboutwasyou.wordpress.com/2010/06/10/time-to-say-goodbye/
it is too hard to explain the feelings in a comment. But it really made me look at death in another way, and I am not so scared any more, it has really helped. I have been there, I have seen it and it wasn’t anything like I thought it would be.
Dear Susie,
I am fully agree with you.I am fully agree with you.This is the unknown that causes unease.The unknown matters fill us with a feeling of unrest.We donot want to see our lovedones in pain.Beeing a human being we try to control things, find solutions of problems and try to plan things.when something happens suddenly(death),it breaks our heart. We want to know about these happenings before time but it is impossible.We can not do anything about heart break,the unease and the anxiety which one feels whose loved one was dying.The solution suggested by you is quite right that we should try to live in the present ant plan more than mimimum requirement about future.
sushe
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