This past year has been an awkward dance to a melody only I can hear, punctuated with upbeat highs and rock bottom lows and the beat of a constant active struggle to find the hallowed middle ground.
I’ve been doing well.
I’ve also been struggling.
Each day I learn. Each day I make the same mistakes.
Each day I open up. Each day I re-erect walls I had broken down.
Each day I spread my wings. Each day I remain afraid to truly soar.
I’m tired of it. Tired of reacting instead of understanding the buttons that activate me.
I’m tired of feeling hurt, of playing the victim, of waiting for someone else to encourage me to do the things that make my heart sing. I’m tired of the need for approval. I’m tired of waiting for people to give me love instead of spreading my own love freely and with no strings attached.
I’m tired yet hopeful. Hopeful that I’m on the right path, a path whose final destination is not important. A path where I learn to love and accept myself, faults and all, without beating myself up for every lapse of judgement. A path where I believe I’m worthy of love and open myself up to accept it.
In other words, I’m tired of blaming everyone else for my unhappy moments. I’m tired of believing that others hold the key to my happiness.
I plan on this year being the year that I manage to remember that the only thing holding me back is myself.
Because the only one responsible for the quality of my life is me.
What about you? Are you going to assume responsibility for your life?
This was my picture for this week’s 52 Frames. (If you like photography you may want to think about signing up for the weekly photographic challenges. All free of charge and lots of great community support.)
And yes, it’s been a while since I wrote here on my neglected blog. You can also find my writing and my pictures on Facebook at New Day New Lesson.