NEW DAY NEW LESSON

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This is a post I have been thinking about writing for a while.

It’s taken a few blog posts by others this past week to make me want to sit down and write this.  Among the posts that got me thinking was a prompt on depression for the Writing Workshop on Sleep is for the Weak, a powerful post called Conversations by Jay and a response post to Jay by Kerry-Anne at Falling Starlet.

I think in some shape or form, depression hits everyone. For some it is a downward spiral that only gets worse, for others it is a spiral that is halted and yet others manage to use their depression in positive ways to make positive changes in their lives and to impact others.

A few weeks back I was having a discussion with a friend who suffers from depression. Like Jay from Journey of the Mocha Bean(s) and Mummy, my friend is quite talented. (I think she is actually starting to believe that herself now.) In the course of our conversation she told me what goes through her mind when people first meet her and ask what she does. She tells them what it is she thinks they want to hear about her life. What she is really thinking is that if she was being honest what she should tell them is that her accomplishment on many days is that she actually manages to get out of bed, feed her kids and if she is lucky she even gets dressed.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I have had days when I am lucky to manage to get through the necessities of the day. Anything else is a pleasant bonus. Thankfully in recent years I don’t have days like that often. There were however two periods in my life when I actually was able to grasp how difficult it must be to cope with constant depression.

The first period was after my third child was born. At the time I didn’t realize it but looking back now at my behavior and feelings, I must have had some form of post natal depression. I would wake up countless times a night to make sure my daughter was breathing. I would be at the pediatrician at least a few times a week crying. (At that point I was a nurse with about 7 years of experience and two other kids.)

The second time was when I was about eight months pregnant with my fifth. We had made the stupid miscalculation that it would be okay to renovate the house while I was pregnant and so close to my due date. If you have ever lived in a house while it was going through a relatively dirty and major renovation you are probably cringing right now. Needless to say, every time the workers didn’t show up on time or at all, every time I needed to clean up a mess I found myself sinking deeper and deeper in despair. A friend walked into my house one afternoon and was horrified to find me bawling like a baby on the couch because it was so not like me. At one point my husband was so concerned he even came home early from work to help me. He begged me to pack up for a few weeks and he would send me to a spa. (I was too much of a control freak back then to even consider leaving.)

I think there is depression and there is self doubt. Often the two are intertwined. Often they feed into each other.

The thing that is most important if you are struggling with depression and/or self doubt is to realize you are not the only one who is going through something like this. Our generation is a lot more open than previous ones yet I often see people feeling ashamed or feeling like failures because they suffer from depression. So instead of broaching the topic and getting support and help they keep it all to themselves.

I see people put on a show for the world while they are slowly being tortured or dying inside.

If you want help, it is there for you. You need to reach out and share how you are feeling. People are not mind readers. What people can do is to be there for you and support you. They can be your sounding board and anchor you in reality. When you are giving in to your self doubts they are there to be your clear mirror, not the distorted mirror you view yourself in.

Yet even with support, depression is still your struggle. No one can fight the battle for you. Is it easier with a support system around you? Yes it is, but the constant every day struggle is still not an easy one. It takes a courageous soul to deal head on with their depression and search out answers and help.

Most important to remember is not to judge yourself. Don’t listen to that inner critical voice that derides your decisions and actions. If you can’t cope on your own, ask a close friend for help.

Remember that sometimes just managing to get out of bed in the morning is enough.

Has even getting out of bed in the morning ever been a challenge for you? Have you suffered or suffer from depression? How do you cope?

Image:
Ligne Roset Maly Bed
© Warren Noronha | Flickr Creative Commons

SELF PORTRAIT #10
© Robby McKee | Flickr Creative Commons

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This blog post was written for writing workshop #28 run by Josie at Sleep is for the Weak. I chose the second prompt: What does depression feel like to you.