I understand why some people might have certain issues with me, but honestly I can’t understand how someone who knows me can truly not like me at all. That was a hard sentence to write because it sounds a bit egotistical which really is not me. (Hmmm, that sounded egotistical as well. Maybe I better just get to the point.)
I have an issue at work with a doctor who doesn’t like me. I have to say I was surprised and quite taken aback the first time I realized that. Like I said in the beginning, many people have issues with certain traits of mine that bother them. I am blunt. I like analyzing things. I say things to people they may not want to hear. I also at times can have a bit of a temper. (Working hard on that one.) I can be pushy. And the list goes on. All things that I am aware of and am working on.
But with all my faults, I do think I am a nice person and a kind person. (One of these days I will get around to finishing my post titled true humility is knowing your own self-worth, but I digress.) Generally if I hurt someone’s feelings it’s inadvertently and usually when I am trying to do something nice for them.
So when this doctor started making comments both direct and indirect to that effect of not liking me I was floored. My first internal reaction was how can someone dislike me so much when I have done nothing wrong to him. My second reaction was, he needs to like me. I need him to like me. I am not a person that people don’t like. How do I make him like me. (All of this happening subconsciously and within seconds.) When Nichole from In These Small Moments wrote about confidence washed away, it made me want to finish this post that has been sitting in draft for a while.
After a few more comments, I approached him privately and said I feel like you don’t like me. Is there something specific I have done to you? To his credit he didn’t deny his dislike and he made some points in which I understood which of my behaviors might be annoying him. He mentioned about me being to loud and that I cut in in middle of conversations. (I guess I must be used to twitter.)
I made a more mindful attempt to work on those issues especially when working with him. For a while it seemed like things were “okay” and he was even friendly. Then without warning his old behavior was back. Out of the blue and with a really obnoxious comment. As in response to his question of who is working in triage with me today I replied “me” and in a nasty tone he answered “well that’s too bad”. After I managed to close my open mouth I told him that his answer was obnoxious and he replied “well at least I tell you that to your face”.
I believe that when you have something to learn, life will supply you with a teacher. Someone who reflects back to you something you need to work on. When this started happening I figured maybe I needed to work on certain traits of mine. I now know that it is not the outward traits that I needed this lesson for (though it can’t hurt). Rather, I needed to learn to rely on myself for my self esteem. If I am happy with myself I don’t need anyone else’s validation.
My self worth should come from within and not from someone else and whether they like me or praise me.
Sure it is not pleasant to work with someone who dislikes you but it should not affect your mood. I have come to the conclusion that not everyone is going to like me. I have also learned that I need to understand why someone’s approval is important to me or why their disapproval upsets me. Once I have those two things “under my belt” I can move on and say too bad, it’s their loss.
I did find it interesting that when I bought this topic up in a workshop based on Lousie Hay‘s methods, the teacher in response to my comment that not everyone is going is going to like you responded by saying that it is my thinking that is causing that. Her view of the world is that everyone likes her.
So do you believe that not everyone is going to like you or do you believe with the right mindset that everyone will like you?
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DOCTOR WITH STETHOSCOPE
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