NEW DAY NEW LESSON » Emotions, Lesson of the Day, Work » Not Everyone Is Going To Like You, No Matter How Hard You Try

Not Everyone Is Going To Like You, No Matter How Hard You Try

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Grumpy Cow!

I understand why some people might have certain issues with me, but honestly I can’t understand how someone who knows me can truly not like me at all. That was a hard sentence to write because it sounds a bit egotistical which really is not me. (Hmmm, that sounded egotistical as well. Maybe I better just get to the point.)

I have an issue at work with a doctor who doesn’t like me. I have to say I was surprised and quite taken aback the first time I realized that. Like I said in the beginning, many people have issues with certain traits of mine that bother them. I am blunt. I like analyzing things. I say things to people they may not want to hear. I also at times can have a bit of a temper. (Working hard on that one.) I can be pushy. And the list goes on. All things that I am aware of and am working on.

But with all my faults, I do think I am a nice person and a kind person. (One of these days I will get around to finishing my post titled true humility is knowing your own self-worth, but I digress.) Generally if I hurt someone’s feelings it’s inadvertently and usually when I am trying to do something nice for them.

So when this doctor started making comments both direct and indirect to that effect of not liking me I was floored. My first internal reaction was how can someone dislike me so much when I have done nothing wrong to him. My second reaction was, he needs to like me. I need him to like me. I am not a person that people don’t like. How do I make him like me. (All of this happening subconsciously and within seconds.) When Nichole from In These Small Moments wrote about confidence washed away, it made me want to finish this post that has been sitting in draft for a while.

After a few more comments, I approached him privately and said I feel like you don’t like me. Is there something specific I have done to you? To his credit he didn’t deny his dislike and he made some points in which I understood which of my behaviors might be annoying him. He mentioned about me being to loud and that I cut in in middle of conversations. (I guess I must be used to twitter.)

I made a more mindful attempt to work on those issues especially when working with him. For a while it seemed like things were “okay” and he was even friendly. Then without warning his old behavior was back. Out of the blue and with a really obnoxious comment. As in response to his question of who is working in triage with me today I replied “me” and in a nasty tone he answered “well that’s too bad”. After I managed to close my open mouth I told him that his answer was obnoxious and he replied “well at least I tell you that to your face”.

I believe that when you have something to learn, life will supply you with a teacher. Someone who reflects back to you something you need to work on. When this started happening I figured maybe I needed to work on certain traits of mine. I now know that it is not the outward traits that I needed this lesson for (though it can’t hurt). Rather, I needed to learn to rely on myself for my self esteem. If I am happy with myself I don’t need anyone else’s validation.

My self worth should come from within and not from someone else and whether they like me or praise me.

Sure it is not pleasant to work with someone who dislikes you but it should not affect your mood. I have come to the conclusion that not everyone is going to like me. I have also learned that I need to understand why someone’s approval is important to me or why their disapproval upsets me. Once I have those two things “under my belt” I can move on and say too bad, it’s their loss.

I did find it interesting that when I bought this topic up in a workshop based on Lousie Hay‘s methods, the teacher in response to my comment that not everyone is going is going to like you responded by saying that it is my thinking that is causing that. Her view of the world is that everyone likes her.

So do you believe that not everyone is going to like you or do you believe with the right mindset that everyone will like you?

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GRUMPY COW

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DOCTOR WITH STETHOSCOPE
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I am me and also lots of other things like a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a daughter in law, a sister in law, a friend, an oncology nurse, a blogger, a life coach in training, an avid book reader, a chauffeur, a chef, a shopper, a maid and on some days a bit overwhelmed. On this blog I share my journey of striving to see the best in everyone and everything. Strive, because I don't always manage to. Yup, I am human. I would love to have you join me in learning lessons in positivity from life.

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14 Responses to "Not Everyone Is Going To Like You, No Matter How Hard You Try"

  1. Cate Pearce says:

    I used to try to get everyone to like me, it mattered at one point of my life. Not now. I am what I am, take me or leave me, I really don’t care anymore. The people who are still in my life seem to like me, or they wouldn’t still be my friends.
    Having said all that, a work situation is more difficult. If you have to work closely with someone there needs to be respect and trust, which often comes from liking them and enjoying their company.
    No easy answers I’m afraid.

    1. Susie says:

      It is interesting how some things become less important to us as we get older and other things more important.

      I have to say that since I let go and don’t really care, there hasn’t been much of an issue.

  2. jfb57 says:

    I need to add the word ‘hope’ into it. I hope people will like me. Self confidence is a great help in the relationship stakes I think! Anyway, I like you (& we haven’t really met!)

    1. Susie says:

      LOL-thanks Julia-like you too. One day I do hope to meet.

      I say nurture yourself and you won’t need to hope anyone will like you.

  3. important, gentle reminder susie! self concept, confidence, others thoughts and ideas all get muddled together sometimes, don’t they? i really love this that you wrote:

    I believe that when you have something to learn, life will supply you with a teacher.

    what an amazing way to reframe a hurtful, frustrating experience! thanks for sharing such a personal, reflective piece!

    1. Susie says:

      We humans are a big mumble jumble aren’t we.

      The teacher being supplied thing-have seen it to be true over and over and over again.

  4. I’m very much a people pleaser and it would have hurt my feelings too if someone I worked with treated me that way. But I love your attitude toward finding the lesson in everything. Even if it isn’t the first lesson you thought it might be. You are so wise, Susie. So very very wise. xoxoxox

    1. Susie says:

      LOL Naomi-don’t know about how wise, but constantly learning.

      I think we all want to be loved and approved of and we spend way to much time looking for that from others instead of cultivating it in ourselves.

      1. Brandon says:

        Hello Susie, I just found this page in a Google search I did “not everybody will like you in life”. I read your post and the comments that followed and wanted to say thank you for putting this out there for people like myself to read.. Thank You

        1. Susie says:

          Thank you Brandon for your kind comment.

  5. Nichole says:

    Susie-

    It has been over a week now since I had cause to write that post and I have to tell you that your kind and supportive words have stuck with me since.

    With some time and space, I’ve been able to compartmentalize her reaction to me and put it on the shelf. This is probably because I know that our interaction was so brief that she couldn’t have possibly had enough information about me to form a solid, reasonable opinion.

    Having said that, I do realize that not everyone will like me. I read a quote today that I found applicable here:
    “We don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are.” — Anais Nin
    We see things through our own lens. She simply didn’t like what she saw through hers.

    And that’s actually okay.

    1. Susie says:

      Thanks.

      I like the quote.

      Did you ever work out why it was so important for you to have her like you?

      1. Nichole says:

        Actually, I did figure it out. It was truly a lightbulb moment.

        Our interaction was at a conference for women. In hindsight, I realized that old high school fears cropped up.

        On some level, I worried that if she didn’t like me, she was going to tell everyone else and then they wouldn’t give me a chance either.

        I didn’t actually realize that was what was going on in my head until late last week.

        Groups of women can be brilliantly supportive, but I’ve seen them be quite the opposite as well.

        1. Susie says:

          Wow-that’s a lot of baggage to be carrying from years past.

          Good for you for recognizing it. I think if you are authentic and true to yourself people will gravitate to you. It is also interesting that the people we often view as the leaders are often not really that important to tohers.

          You should read You Can heal Your Life by Louise Hay.

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