NEW DAY NEW LESSON » Love As A Guide: Coping With Intermarriage
Love As A Guide: Coping With Intermarriage
There are some things that you cannot truly understand until you have gone through them yourself.
We all make mistakes. Our greatness as erring human beings comes from what we learn from those mistakes, and how our mistakes shape our future responses.
The story told below was in many ways the impetus for me starting this blog. The urge to start blogging began after a conversation I had one evening with my husband. I told him that I truly felt that I needed to have gone through the experience with my sister (the story below) in order to learn from my mistakes. I felt that the lesson I learned from my unkind handling of my sister’s choices had prevented me from making different yet equally tough mistakes with my eldest son.
I had always been a champion of righteousness and my personal take on events was always often black and white. There was right or wrong. I didn’t do well with shades of grey. And if I am being honest, I was also at times driven by fear of G-d and the price I would have to pay in the after life.
An illness about 6 years ago prompted me to start searching for different answers.
Today, I have a love of G-d, not a fear.
Today, I know that the only person I can control is myself.
Today I know that no one does anything to me; people do things, I can choose how to react.
Today I know that you attract the things you fear.
Today I know that there is not just one answer.
Today I know how humbling it is to know how much pain you can cause.
Today I know that there is no substitute for mutual respect.
Today I know that it takes guts to let people see you in an imperfect light.
I am thankful to my sister and brother in law for allowing me to share this story. I am also honored that this story is one that also marks a milestone for me. This is the first time I have been published in a newspaper. It was published in The Jerusalem Post, Magazine Section on June 3, 2011.
I would love to hear your feedback. You can click on the pictures to view the article in bigger size. Also, the original unedited version can be seen here.
14 Responses to "Love As A Guide: Coping With Intermarriage"
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Susie thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope this is the first of many articles you have published – you are a very insightful woman. I love the quote “there is absolutely no situation in Judaism that should ever rip a family apart”. The word Judaism could be replaced by any other religion. x
Thanks Hayley.
Sometimes, we get so overwhelmed by the drama of things that we don’t think things through all the way.
I recently found your blog and liked what I saw there.
However, seeing this has shocked me to my core! I have no belief in a God or other creative being at all, but married a catholic woman 25 years ago (whose aunties are both nuns) without any drama or problems.
The intolerance you and your parents (and others) showed to your sister and her poor unfortunate husband is part of what gives religion such a bad name and stops rational thinking people (without faith) from turning to it. I really have seen very little in any organised religion that would endear me to it.
I always felt Jewdaism was a tolerant religion. How wrong I seem to have been.
Having said that, I thought your article was heartfelt and very well written and I congratulate you on getting published; it is such a marvelous feeling. Well done and I wish yuou much susccess and future articles
Hi Tony,
First of all, thank you for taking the time to comment.
One of the things I have learned in my life and especially the past few years is that you don’t know how you will react in a situation until you are in it. I even wrote about it a few days ago. The way we are bought up and the lifestyle we live have a very big influence on the way we view things and what things we choose to make a drama out of in life.
My sister and I have made peace years ago, and I have apologized to her and her husband for the way I handled the situation at the time. I have since come to realize that I can disagree with a person and still love and accept them. I didn’t understand that at the time.
I sought to have this published because I wanted to present another way of viewing things. Both with the article and with my blog, I am choosing to see what I can learn from life and my mistakes. I am constantly learning and adapting my thinking.
That said, I am human and I get sucked into dramas at times as well.
Thank you again Tony for your comment and your wishes.
Susie
So well written Susie. What a story. I feel your pain and it is good to get those feelings out in the open as there are lots of other people who can identify with it. I have a similar story apart from my family are not that religious. I love my sister but she too married out. I am saying no more but I feel that our life as a family unit would have been very different had she married in. Thank you for sharing. Funny I did not share that with you at Passover.
Thanks Naomi. I find it mind boggling how many different scripts life can hand us.
That’s such an amazing article Susie, you should be so proud.
Thanks so much Bev for reading it.
Your article made my cry. What a powerful and honest story. Thank you for sharing it. I wish you many more published articles.
Thanks Alex *passes over the tissues*.
Susie,
I believe it took a lot of thinking on your part to decide to
write such a personal family story. However, I give you credit
for coming forth and sharing this story with others who I’m
sure would have similar stories to share. It gives others the
courage to also share their feelings and know they are not
alone in similar situations. You can be proud of your achieve-
ments to date, so keep up the good work. And we look forward
to your next published article.
Thanks so much. So now what stories shall I write about the other side of the family?
What an incredibly powerful story, Susie! And you are so brave to share it. I’m oftentimes afraid to talk about the things I’ve done that I later realized were a mistake. But looking at them really not only helps ourselves but others. I’m so excited for you being published in the newspaper!!!!! Is this going to be a regular column for you? I hope so! I’d be awesome!
Aww well done Susie – you’re a natural
Love, hugs n ladybugs,
Gxxxxx