It’s a day like every other.
It’s yet another day.
A day of trying to live in the moment,
without worrying what tomorrow will bring.

A day of trying to remember the little blessings in her life.
A day of hoping she’ll have the energy to do
even the simplest of chores.

She stands there in the middle of the hall,
surrounded yet all alone.
Worried and scared,
while still trying to put up a tough facade.

She feels helpless but has learned to pretend to be brave.
She’s curious, yet in denial and doesn’t really want to know.

She wants to be strong
she feels she has no other choice,
but keeping her feelings bottled up
is rattling her to the core.

And slowly her facade cracks, her voice falters and she hesitates
and in a split second she summons the courage to ask.
To ask something she’s not really sure she’s ready to hear.

And as a tear rolls down her cheek
she takes a deep breath
And the words stumble out of her mouth
“So tell me, how long do I really have?“

That question, in response to a simple, unrelated remark.
That question that has been weighing heavily on her heart.
That question that seems to have come out of the blue.
Is the one she has been trying to put into words and ask.

But I knew that it really wasn’t about the answer at all.
What I heard was someone who was scared and alone.
Someone who didn’t want to shoulder her burden alone.
Someone who unknowingly, was finally trying to ask for some help.

A few days ago, I was reminded by the actions of a patient of mine that we don’t always realize that what we want or need is help. My patient is someone who is young and puts on a strong brave face yet has no support, no one to count on and a lot of responsibility.

When we are going through difficult times, we don’t always realize that what we really need and want is another person to help us share the burden and to help prop us up.

Which is exactly why we sometimes ask for help in a roundabout way. Like asking a loaded question that lets another person know there’s a lot on your mind. Or through actions that are self destructive or even dangerous. Even pushing people away can be  a cry for help.

My patient made me think. I was glad she was finally able to ask for help in her own way and that I was lucky enough to recognize it and make sure she is getting whatever help we can give her.

So I wonder, how many of us often feel surrounded yet alone and don’t realize we need help or if we do, we don’t find the courage to ask for it?

This post is linking up to the YeahWrite Hangout. There are lots of other great posts there. Check them out.

No one likes to feel like a fool and no one likes to be hurt. No one likes to be criticized or have their faults pointed out or used against them.

And because we live in a world that is calculated, a world in which we have been taught the value of being strong, we often think things through instead of “feeling” things through.

So time and time again we hide a part of ourselves away and instead of letting someone in, we act strong and invulnerable. We do it again and again, sometimes more and sometimes less.

We put up walls to prevent ourselves from being hurt, to prevent ourselves from being vulnerable, to prevent ourselves from hurt.

We put up walls to keep people out and to hide our insecurities instead of letting people in and letting them see us as we truly are, with all our imperfections.

Sometimes our walls are paper thin and at other times they are as strong as poured concrete.

But they are walls. Walls that keep others out. Walls that prevent us from getting closer to people who could make our lives immeasurably better. Walls that prevent us from getting closer to those we admire, we love and cherish.

They are walls that take so much energy to build, energy that could instead be used to build connections, understanding and closeness.

We’re afraid to be vulnerable because we’re not sure of ourselves so how others react, affects our self esteem and hurts us. We are afraid of being used and of being rejected.

But sometimes, with those we love, the walls get lowered, fall down or at times, knocked down.

And I think that vulnerability should not be reserved for those we love or who are the closest to us.

Because to live life with vulnerability is to lead a life of courage.

Vulnerability is not weakness. Vulnerability lets people get to know the real you, imperfections and all.

And yes, at times, you may get hurt but that’s a small price to play for living a life without walls.

Vulnerability is not weakness. Vulnerability is courage.

So go on, take the risk. Be vulnerable.

What keeps you from being vulnerable?

*And if you want to read my thoughts on why television is ruining our happiness, pop over to World Mom’s Blog.

This post was written as part of yeahwrite week #52. Go on and check out all the great posts there.

I took my kids to visit my grandmother today.

Without traffic it’s about a 45 minute drive. It’s a trip I have done about a gazillion times before and I really should have the route down pat at this point.

All I have to say is that it’s a mighty good thing that someone was smart enough to invent GPS. If I can get so completely lost using a GPS, I can only imagine what hole in the wall I would have ended up in if I didn’t have one. Although it is possible that I might have been slightly distracted and missed the exit because I was talking to my sister-in-law.

The big problem was the fact that the next exit after my grandmother’s is miles and miles away and even when you get there, there is no way to turn back around and get on the highway going in the other direction.

But I digress because this post is not about my horrendous sense of direction. This post is about the joys of life’s detours.

In this case, the detour was literal. I ended up driving through places I have never been to.

I got to see the back roads in the cities around the one I was trying to find. I saw fields and orchards and beautiful scenery. And my kids got to see them too. And they laughed and chuckled at their mother’s lack of a sense of direction.

And once again I thought about how the small things that happen to us are also sometimes a great metaphor for life in general.

There is only so much of life that you can plan.

And ironically enough, it seems that the more you plan, the more you try to stick with your schedule, or your views, or your comfort zone, the more life has a way of wriggling out of your control.

Life is not so much about the plan as it is about enjoying life’s detours. Life is about learning to take the unexpected in stride and find the wonderful in it.

Life is about getting lost and finding amazing things along the way. And life is about learning to enjoy the unexpected detours along the way.

How do you deal with life’s detours?

This post was written as part of:

I have a weakness.

Okay, I have many weaknesses and the list may or may not include chocolate and cake.

So about my weaknesses.

One of my most deeply ingrained weaknesses is the fact that I have a hard time passing over someone begging for money. I also have a soft spot for old people, especially those who look like life has been tough on them.

So you can only imagine what happens when you put an old hunched over person begging for money in front of me. Yes indeed. I turn into putty. Completely pliable putty.  And it doesn’t even matter if they do something so illogical that it really should make me think again.

Today I was rushing home from work and hurrying to the the train. As I rounded the corner there was an old, very short, hunched over man standing on his bent and crooked legs and holding onto his crutches with deformed hands. I heard him gently ask the woman in front of me for help.

She ignored him and went on her way.  As you can imagine, I was drawn to him like a magnet. I walked over to him and asked him what he needed help with.

I thought he needed physical help. His physical appearance was a bit deceiving. He was short and his body was so deformed, his limbs twisted looking and his torso curved. He was leaning against a wall and it looked like he was having trouble standing up and leaning forward onto his crutches.

Silly me. He didn’t need help standing up. He of course wanted money. So I took a whole bunch of change from my pocketbook. I gave him change in all different amounts. He said thank you but as he looked at what I had handed him, he stopped me and handed back the two coins worth the smallest amount. He didn’t want them.

I was thrown a bit. Money is money and yes those coins weren’t worth that much but add another few to the pile and it was worth something. (And the phrase beggars can’t be choosers did spring to mind.)

I smiled and took back the coins he handed me. And when in that pile I noticed a coin worth more, I even handed that one back to him and he took it. And I walked away.

I was hurting that someone has to live their life in a body that must be a challenge. I was sad that people, especially old people, are out on the streets begging. And I was trying to figure out why someone who needed money would give any amount back.

Maybe it’s just too hard for someone who can barely walk to carry around the weight of almost useless change. Or maybe I’m naive and gullible.

But it doesn’t really matter because I would do the same again. Because I have a weakness and frankly, I don’t want to be cured.

We don’t always need to know the reasons. Sometimes we just have to try and do what seems right.

What do you think?

*And a very Happy Anniversary to my hubby who has always humored my need to give every panhandler I pass money and even hands me the change from his pocket. I love you hun.

This post was written as part of:

I’m tone deaf. (Or so I have been told over and over and over again.)

I’m the kind of tone deaf where a person doesn’t even hear herself and the fact that she’s out of tune. When I sing, I actually do think I sound great just fine. However, it appears that I am the only one and that those around me suffer. (The looks of pain on their faces and their holding their hands over their ears kind of gives it away.)

But still, I love listening to music. And I love singing to the music as well.

There is just something about music that is so unique yet universal.

I think it’s the fact that music connects.

Music connects people to their bodies and rhythm.

Music connects people to a memory.

Music connects people to a thought.

Music connects people to their feelings and emotions.

Music connects people to people.

I have a confession to make. (One which might lose me some friends.)
I love music like Barry Manilow, Neil Diamond, Air Supply….. (Stop throwing tomatoes please!!!)

And over the years, thanks to my older sons, I have gotten used to and even come to enjoy all different kinds of music. (Don’t ask me which artists, what bands or even what types of music because I am clueless and don’t retain any of that info.)

What I do believe is that everyone can connect to some type of music and that different music touches different chords within you at different times. Like the song in this video which always used to remind me of American Idol, Jason Castro and Simon Cowell and now reminds me of a sweet moment between my oldest child and my youngest.

Fast Tube by Casper

I also believe that with music as in life in general, you have much to gain by letting yourself explore something different than what you are used to. The only way to understand something different from you or someone different than you is to experience different things and meet people who are out of your normal realm.

A few weeks ago a group of music bloggers was bought to Israel by Kinetis on a VibeIsrael trip. I had the privilege of getting to meet them and joining them for a few hours. What struck me the most is how interesting, nice and enjoyable it can be to meet people whose passions differ dramatically from yours.

Brandon from The Burning Ear, Rory from Feel My Bicep, Luke from DIY, Rebecca from NME and Samantha from MTV Iggy were not only really nice and great to talk to, they were also very knowledgeable about music. (Duh!)

BACK ROW:Brandon, Luke, Rory, Gil FRONT ROW: Me, Rebecca, Noa, Samantha

I was out of my depth in the music discussions going on around me but it was still great to have the chance to meet people who are different than me and interesting to see their perspective on my country.

It was also a treat to meet Achinoam Nini (Noa) in her home and to be treated to her singing for us while being accompanied by her music partner Gil Dor.

Fast Tube by Casper

Our world is so diverse and so divided but music is a universal connector.

Maybe music can be the bridge between people and nations.

Maybe music can remind us to connect with one person at a time and to take the time to get to know someone different than yourself.

Here’s to hoping that music can and will make a difference in this world.

What do you love about music?

There is wisdom all around us.

I think that part of the beauty of words is the fact that different people find different insights in the same words. Ten people can read one particular blog post and each can come away with a different conclusion or focus.

The other week I read a blog post by Erika Napoletano.  While I can’t recall how I came across her blog for the first time, her writing is really good which must have been why I stuck around. That or maybe it was just my fascination with a blogger who spoke her mind and cursed like a sailor. There is something quite refreshing about reading someone who is not worried about what others are going to think. Who else would write a book called “The Power of Un-Popular“?

In any event, let me try to get back to the point. Erika wrote about her swiffer-wet-jet troubles (which btw is a title that got my attention) and then after thanking her readers for her success, she thanked her mom. And out of the whole post and the thanks for her mom, the one small sentence that stayed with me was this one about her mother: “Because she never told me I couldn’t.”

Today, my second son was drafted and is now a soldier. So now I am the proud mother of two soldiers.

For twenty years I have given my son love, advice, support, some grief and guidance. As he starts this next stage of his life, I’m hoping he knows and remembers that there’s nothing he can’t do.

His life is his to create.

As his favorite motto goes: “Some people walk on paths paved by others. Others walk and pave the paths for those who come after them.”

To my son – go in peace, serve your country in safety and may you return safely. And remember there is nothing you can’t do. (Well aside from eating, sleeping and coming and going whenever you want for the next three years.)

Today was yet another reminder to me about believing in your kids and their capabilities.

How do you make your kids feel they are capable of anything?

All it takes is but an instant.

In an instant your life can change.
Just like that.
No warning.
No rewind button.
And even worse, no pause or stop button.

I don’t know if it’s just my perception, but it feels to me that in the past decade or so there has been an increase in the amount of tragedies and heartbreaking stories. I don’t think it’s just the fact that these days news travels faster and farther. It just feels like there is more. More heart stopping, heart breaking and painful things happening and they are happening to more people.

There is so much good in this world and at the same time there’s also so much pain.

And sometimes the pain is even deeper when the person who has been taken away is someone who was a truly good person. A person who in less than 17 years of life managed to share his goodness and leave an impact on so many. A young man who was killed when he was hit by a car on the way to a family celebration.

As I was trying, mostly unsuccessfully, to function at work today I found myself reflecting on the tragedy that has befallen our friends and our community. I can’t even begin to comprehend what our friends are feeling because if my pain for them is paralyzing, I cannot even begin to imagine what they feel.

The one thought that kept coming through the haze of the sorrow was that life changes in an instant. If life can change in an instant for the worse, why can’t it also change in an instant for the good?

Why is it human nature to be able to see the bad so much clearer than the good. Why do the good things in our lives go mostly overlooked?

A tragedy like this makes you rethink what it is you want to change in your life. It makes us try and think about how we can use a tragedy that can’t be undone and make it mean something to our future.

Maybe the first step is just recognizing that each day is deserving of our gratitude. Maybe it’s recognizing that no matter how hard we try to control things or hold onto them, sometimes they elude us.

Maybe it’s remembering that life can change in an instant. Some changes we control, some we don’t.

Maybe it’s remembering that grief is important.

Maybe it’s remembering to look for reasons to be grateful.

Life changes. For good and for bad.

Remember that. And today, remember to hold your loved ones close.

Yehi Zicro Baruch. May his memory be blessed and may his almost 17 years of  living a life of goodness bring us all some small measure of comfort.

This whole blog is about being able to learn from anything in life, so maybe the title of this post is redundant.

Anyways… this past weekend, my son celebrated his Bar Mitzvah. (And in case anyone was wondering, the weeks months of preparation for the Bar Mitzvah were worth it and I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend.)

We had a lovely weekend affair in a hotel with our friends and family.

As is Jewish orthodox custom, my son read from the Torah. When the Torah reading is done, there is a custom to throw candies at the Bar Mitzvah boy.

We did and we also threw peanuts.

Peanuts that were decorated lovingly for weeks by hand.

And of course while everyone in my family was slaving over helping to decorate them, it occurred to me that peanuts are kind of like people.

So what did I learn? Lots.

Ten Things I Learned From Peanuts

1. Like people, there are no two peanuts that are alike. Each peanut has its own unique personality.
2. Like people, peanuts come in all different shades and shapes.
3. Like people. peanuts can change. With a little bit of help they can turn into something different and even unexpected.
4. The smaller something is, the harder it is to work with. (Kind of like a budget.)
5. All you need is imagination.
6. There is always room for improvement. You can always improve on the existing and make it better.
7. The more you do something the better you get at it. Practice may not make perfect, but it does definitely make you better.
8. Sometimes you need to let go and delegate. It’s not always possible, or wise to do everything yourself.
9. Salted peanuts are messy.
10. I am nuts.  Really. I am truly nuts.

So what else can you learn from peanuts? Or for that matter from any other non inanimate objects.

* And in case anyone was wondering, the weeks months of preparation for the Bar Mitzvah were worth it and I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend.

“When it rains it pours.”

I think most of us have had the occasion to mutter that phrase every once in a while.

Sometimes it is one tragedy after another. Sometimes, its just the strain of regular life that has a way of catching up with you.

Kind of like trying to plan a Bar Mitzvah (after being in denial about the upcoming event for months), having your daughter come down with chicken pox…

and then having your husband end up with a cast on his dominant hand.

Yesterday, when I was having a moment of self pity (even though I was not the one itching or wearing a cast) it occurred to me that the challenges in life and the way you handle them are what end up defining you and your life.

As a nurse working in oncology, day in and day out I see the tremendous power of challenges and how they can make or break you. One thing I know for certain is that the greater the challenges you face, the greater the potential for growth.

And as I was watching the pouring rain hit the ground yesterday, I realized that life’s challenges are akin to rain.

Rain can be a pain in the neck, at times depressing and it can even cause a lot of damage. But without rain, we would have no water. The water that is needed for growth and nourishment.

Challenges cause us to reevaluate things, to think things through and to find new ways to cope, change and be inspired. Challenges are an impetus for growth.

And as the rain drops continued to fall, I stopped feeling sorry for myself because I remembered that things that seem bad or annoying are sometimes gifts in disguise.

So next time it rains, I will do my best to remind myself that rain is needed for growth.

How do you cope with life’s challenges?

It’s hard to let go of things.

I am sitting here an hour or so before the end of 2011.

I have no plans and like most years, I am not even sure I will still be awake at midnight. Maybe New Years is not such a big deal for me because in Judaism we celebrate the new year in September on Rosh Hashana. Or maybe it’s because I find that the Jewish new year and the secular new year conjure up different yearnings and emotions in me.

For me, the Jewish New Year is about repentance. It is about taking a good hard look at what you have done and how you are living and thinking about what is good and what needs to change.

For some that might be similar to what the secular new year means to them. For me the secular new year is about more external things. It’s about making resolutions. Be it to lose weight, to spend more time with my kids or husband, to take career steps or a myriad of other possibilities. I find all these resolutions somewhat tiring because they feel at least partially driven by external motivations and opinions.

About a year ago as part as my coaching class curriculum I underwent life coaching. One of the things that “came up” at the time was that I was doing so many things simultaneously and that I really needed to let go of something. I had two jobs that I loved for different reasons, I was writing, I was in school and I had a bunch of other things going on in my life.

I couldn’t find it in myself to let go or give up any of those things. Because letting go is something that’s hard to do.

What I have learned this past year is that of you don’t let some things go, you will burn out and let everything go. Even things that are important to you.

I have let the inertia of life make the decisions instead of being an active participant in the process.  Things that I love to do like writing, have fallen by the wayside because I have not made them a priority.

So I find myself here on the brink of a new year with a heart full of wants and resolutions. And I am resisting. Because letting go is hard.

What are you having a hard time letting go of?