I don’t know what exactly it is about endings and goodbyes that tug at your heartstrings. I suspect that fear of uncertainty has some play in the matter, although I often wonder if that’s the whole story.
actually yesterday at this point we celebrated my son’s 6th grade graduation. It was an emotional affair, even more so because it had been pushed off for five days after a third grader passed away from cancer the day of the graduation. While the kids understood why their graduation had been pushed off, there was definitely palpable disappointment as the kids had been practicing so intensely and were looking forward to the ceremony.
I have to say that in recent years, I have had a somewhat ambivalent attitude toward graduation ceremonies. (I suspect that might just be my coping mechanism for dealing with the hoards of crowds that show up for these kinds of things.) I understand the importance of the ceremonies (and in truth usually end up enjoying them) yet at the same time, this is my fourth time going through this and my son will still be the same even the day after his graduation. The ceremony symbolizes the end and the move to the next stage, but in reality, we have been dealing with the “move” from 6th to 7th grade gradually for months now, whether it was deciding what school he would be attending next year or just talking about it.
I was fine for the first 30 minutes or so of the graduation and then out of nowhere, there was that familiar tug at my heart, an actual physical ache. There was a pounding thumping sensation in my chest,
which in all fairness might just have been the sound system reverberating and the lump in the throat that went along with it. And once again I was overwhelmed by emotion, although i managed to keep the tears in check.
Change was going on around me. Sure it is blessed change and an important milestone, yet change means things are different.
My son is growing up, I am growing older and have I mentioned the fact that things keep changing? All around me things are constantly changing. You get used to one situation and it ends. Even when it is positive change and desired change it still takes getting used to.
And then there are good-byes.
Saying good-bye to people you have connected with, even if you have just met them is also difficult.
Sally, Jane, Rosie, Monica and Eva will be leaving back to the UK and Spain after their week in Israel. It was great meeting them and spending time with them and yes, it was also hard saying goodbye. (Have a safe flight you guys.)
Again, the change. Moving from one routine to another and back again.
We are constantly changing and evolving. We move from one thing to another without thinking twice until something like a graduation, an end of a course or a good bye hits you. And then you are forced to take stock of what was, what is and what might be.
Endings and good-byes are just simply emotional, whether you think they will be or not. As to why they are so darn emotional, I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure it out.
Is it the variation in the routine of your life, the uncertainty of the future or something else that makes change so difficult? What do you think?