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It All Boils Down To Chemistry

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Lets face it. Not everyone likes everyone else. What??? You didn’t know that?? Okay, so there’s really no big secret or epiphany there.


I’m starting to think that not not having the “right chemistry” with everyone is nature’s way of keeping us sane. Just imagine how overloaded we would be if we loved every single person we met and wanted to get to know each of them better and maintain some kind of relationship with them, even on a cordial level.  I think our brains would probably explode. (and not just from that long run on sentence.)


The other day at work as I was removing an IV line from one of my patients, I found myself thinking about why I have close relationships with some of my patients and almost no relationship with others. With some of my patients I know about their families, their jobs and the things that worry them and are more difficult for them. With others, I know very little besides the bare basics.


And of course, in true good Jewish mother form, I found myself feeling guilty. That is until I slapped myself and told myself to get a grip. (I didn’t really slap myself, it was more of a virtual slap.)


I realized that I am not an awful person for not connecting to all my patients in the same way. I realized that in the end, it all comes down to chemistry.



Sometimes, we meet a person and connect immediately. Sometimes people grow on us. Then there are people with whom we just don’t connect. Sometimes the reason is opposing views and values and sometimes the people are too needy at a time when you yourself do not have enough energy. And sometimes, there is no objective reason other than the fact that we just don’t “feel the chemistry”.


I don’t know about other people, but I have a tendency to go out of the way for people I like. Maybe chemistry is God’s way of making sure I don’t go completely overboard. Maybe it’s nature’s way to help me keep my life somewhat manageable.


This week, I learned that it’s okay to treat different people differently. We do it all the time because we have to.


What are your thoughts about the role chemistry plays in our lives?

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I am me and also lots of other things like a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a daughter in law, a sister in law, a friend, an oncology nurse, a blogger, a life coach in training, an avid book reader, a chauffeur, a chef, a shopper, a maid and on some days a bit overwhelmed. On this blog I share my journey of striving to see the best in everyone and everything. Strive, because I don't always manage to. Yup, I am human. I would love to have you join me in learning lessons in positivity from life.

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4 Responses to "It All Boils Down To Chemistry"

  1. The Moiderer says:

    I think it has more to do with psychology than chemistry. There is lots of stuff in NLP about it that makes a lot of sense. Even the Myers Briggs stuff , or big picture, small picture people or Parent Adult Child. And then there are rep systems – I wrote about it on my site here.

    So I think the connection we feel with people (or lack of it) is down to our prefered communicate and ‘thinking’ styles. As a therapist, it’s important that we understand these so we can use them to help clients feel at ease.

    Of course it is also possible that there is an aura based “connection” at play here…

    1. Susie says:

      Interesting. I am not sure though that it has to do with communicating and thinking styles. I have really good friends who process things very differently than I do.

      Makes you think huh?

  2. jessie says:

    that’s a really good point about us not liking everyone or not having chemistry with everyone because we would get overloaded and it’s impossible in a practical sense. i like how you framed that.

    recently, i’ve been seeing that connecting with someone emotionally is a gift. it doesn’t happen that frequently (the very strong connections), and when it does, it is one of life’s great joys. there are different degrees of emotional connection we have with people, and each one, on its level, is a gift.

  3. Naomi says:

    Can you imagine if you connected with everyone – how would you keep them in your life. Life is interesting having people argue, discuss and banter with you and it is only knowing so many different people and personalities that I can see what I like and don’t like too much in a person. I think connection is a strong force and it is wonderful when it happens – its great to share depth of a person and connect.