It’s hard to let go of things.
I am sitting here an hour or so before the end of 2011.
I have no plans and like most years, I am not even sure I will still be awake at midnight. Maybe New Years is not such a big deal for me because in Judaism we celebrate the new year in September on Rosh Hashana. Or maybe it’s because I find that the Jewish new year and the secular new year conjure up different yearnings and emotions in me.
For some that might be similar to what the secular new year means to them. For me the secular new year is about more external things. It’s about making resolutions. Be it to lose weight, to spend more time with my kids or husband, to take career steps or a myriad of other possibilities. I find all these resolutions somewhat tiring because they feel at least partially driven by external motivations and opinions.
About a year ago as part as my coaching class curriculum I underwent life coaching. One of the things that “came up” at the time was that I was doing so many things simultaneously and that I really needed to let go of something. I had two jobs that I loved for different reasons, I was writing, I was in school and I had a bunch of other things going on in my life.
I couldn’t find it in myself to let go or give up any of those things. Because letting go is something that’s hard to do.
What I have learned this past year is that of you don’t let some things go, you will burn out and let everything go. Even things that are important to you.
I have let the inertia of life make the decisions instead of being an active participant in the process. Things that I love to do like writing, have fallen by the wayside because I have not made them a priority.
So I find myself here on the brink of a new year with a heart full of wants and resolutions. And I am resisting. Because letting go is hard.